I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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