Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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