SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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