quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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