i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
