I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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