we made out on top of his cat.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
