So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
