Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
