just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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