What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We have so much sex to catch up on
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
