I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
