Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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