You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
