i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Even my vagina gasped.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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