An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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