I wish I could teleport
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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