so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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