the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
