Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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