I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
