Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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