I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
