my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
