I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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