I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
