nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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