Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
