I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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