It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I have fence marks all over my body
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
