Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
