I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
