He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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