WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
