guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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