your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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