I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
