I showed him my bush... on skype.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
