i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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