the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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