in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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