Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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