every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
