One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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