Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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