The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
