Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
