did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
