Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
we're so committed to being not committed
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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