I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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