i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
4 words: hood of his car
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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