Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
