highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
